Wednesday, March 21, 2012
[You are so busted.]
A serious problem within the orthodox community is the problem of impostors - people who were orthodox Jews, who no longer believe in the divine origin of the Torah yet who, for whatever reason, continue to pretend to be orthodox whenever orthodox Jews are watching.
One problem with these people is that they might kill us. Levi Aron is a Brooklyn resident who has confessed to murdering on July 12, 2011 an eight year old Orthodox boy. Prior to his arrest, Aron was a member of an Orthodox synagogue and had once studied in a yeshiva. According to news reports, police offered Aron food at some point the evening of his arrest. Aron said that he did not eat kosher and when detectives suggested he get Burger King or McDonald's, he said McDonald's. He wound up eating Chinese food.
Additionally, these people may have a very negative influence on others – for example they may secretly try to corrupt immediate family members, classmates, etc. I would assume that the kosher chicken scandal several years ago was the work of such an individual. We can only imagine in what other ways these people may be spiritually undermining the community – whether in making their family’s kitchen not kosher, writing not kosher mezuzos and tefillin, leading the congregation in prayers which they do not believe in, spreading illegal drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, etc.
Imposters may also commit crimes which are then a source of embarrassment to the orthodox community. The news will report "an orthodox Jew went to a prostitute" or "an orthodox Jew purchased child pornography" while in reality this person is merely an imposter who should have been exposed and shunned long ago.
If you suspect a family member of being an imposter there are, thanks to modern technology, simple steps which can be taken to clarify the situation.
First of all, if the suspect doesn't already have it, get him home Internet access and a smartphone.
Next, install monitoring software on the phone and the computer. With this configured, you will be able to track the suspect's location on a map in real time, record every keystroke he makes, every telephone number called and received, every webpage accessed, every photo or video taken with the phone, every text, email, etc. This should reveal a fairly complete picture of the suspect's activities.
If you suspect drug usage, then obtain a small hair sample and send it in for analysis. You’ll know exactly what he’s been using for the past three months.
If you suspect that your unmarried daughter is sexually active, and monitoring software has not answered the question, you might want to test her underpants for semen. This will reveal any unprotected, heterosexual vaginal intercourse.
Once a secret heretic is revealed he may then be expelled from our homes, synagogues and schools. I would ideally like to see a computer registry set up to track exposed secret heretics, similar to the websites now used for sex predators.
In addition to these practical efforts to track down and ostracize atheists, we must also fervently pray for the immediate destruction of Jewish heretics.
There is no reason for us to continue to be victimized by secret atheists. If we wish to, we can make secret atheism a thing of the past with a little serious effort.
Posted by jewish philosopher at 10:59 AM