Friday, June 04, 2010

A Little Help from Our Friends



An interesting device has appeared on the market in recent years: a male chastity protector.

I cannot vouch for the comfort or effectiveness of this device, having never seen one in person, however the website seems to be very impressive (available also on amazon.com).

The concept is simple. A man's private area is locked with a padlock into a hard plastic case and the key is given to someone else, making masturbation and intercourse impossible without the consent of that other person.

This could be hugely beneficial to a bachelor who wishes to control himself sexually, however who finds that he lacks sufficient willpower. He could apparently lock himself up and give the key to his rabbi or a friend. This might also give peace of mind to a woman who is concerned about her husband's fidelity or to a parent who is concerned about a teenage boy's behavior.

Of course, intensive Torah study is the best solution for this type of problem. The Talmud says in Kiddushin 30b: "I created the Evil Inclination, and I created Torah as an antidote for it." A Jew's mind should ideally be filled only with spirituality. However sometimes we may need a little help from our friends to stay committed to our values.

39 comments:

Abe said...

>>>However sometimes we may need a little help from our friends to stay committed to our values.<<<

LOL, HOWL AND SNORT. Thanks, I needed a good laugh to start the weekend off right.
However, in your case, its not good values that you need to be committed to. A psychiatric hospital would serve you much better.

jewish philosopher said...

"A psychiatric hospital would serve you much better."

I assume that's where you live, Abe.

Actually, one Jewish skeptic recently "proved" that there is no God since how could God prohibit masturbation which is something "impossible to control".

http://undercoverkofer.blogspot.com/2009/11/seeds-of-doubt.html

Well, just log onto to amazon, and click. Problem solved.

Undercover Kofer said...

I never said that it was a prove there is no God. I said that this urge is not controllable, so:

"either God is a sadist or masturbation is not wrong".

I know you have difficulties with the meaning of the word 'prove', but apparently you can't distinguish between a proof or an opinion.

I am really starting to doubt you ever got accepted into Mensa.

Ah and yes, I am not a skeptic but a kofer. And proud of it!

jewish philosopher said...

"either God is a sadist or masturbation is not wrong"

Or you have a sexual disorder.

Shilton HaSechel said...

>Or you have a sexual disorder.

From wikipedia

"Different studies have found that masturbation is frequent in humans. Alfred Kinsey's 1950's studies on US population have shown that 92% of men and 62% of women have masturbated during their lifespan"

It seems that almost all men do it so I would hardly call it a "sexual disorder"

"Doc, I'm not crazy it's everyone else"

I guess you would attribute it to a plague of atheism while you and your little gang are the stalwart defenders of sanity

Joseph said...

Obviously God wants us to come up with a way to raise the age of puberty.

Undercover Kofer said...

Ever heard about projection, JP?

Define sexual disorder. Is that a sexual behavior that most of humanity engages in? In that case, let me have that sexual disorder :P

jewish philosopher said...

You know, I bet most people steal things too. So the fact that there are so many nice, small items in the world and people have a natural desire to take them means that either God is a sadist or He doesn't exist.

"you and your little gang are the stalwart defenders of sanity"

Perhaps. I would say "honesty and sobriety". At least we're trying.

It's widely recognized that sexually compulsive behavior affects and harms many individuals.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/compulsive-sexual-behavior/ds00144

http://www.vh1.com/shows/sex_rehab_with_dr_drew/series.jhtml

Anonymous said...

SH:

Are you actually siting Kinsey as an authority? He was a pervert and a criminal. He also reprted that Homosexuality was extrmenly rare among Orthodox Jews. So even a freak like Kinsey recognized the fact that OJ's are on to something.

And "frequent" does nto mean impossible to control. It just means people have to try harder.

Philo said...

JP,

What bad thing happens when someone masturbates? Do you honestly think you are killing someone? Because there hundreds of millions of sperm cells in the semen, so even if you were aiming to have a child, you would be a murderer. But of course god does not have to answer to something as ridiculous as REASON AND SCIENCE, right?

Anon,

That is BS. The only reason why you don't see many gay Orthodox Jews is because they are scared. Scared of communal excommunication, and don't deny that happens.

jewish philosopher said...

The Talmud Niddah 13a states: Rabbi Johanan stated: Whosoever emits semen in vain deserves death 

http://www.come-and-hear.com/niddah/niddah_13.html

So that's that - Orthodox Judaism prohibits masturbation. There is not necessarily any additional reason or theraputic benefits. 

Anonymous said...

Philo:

Did you actually read the Kinsey report? I did. He reported that homosexualllity among devout Catholics was not a whole lot less than the general population. Catholics had as much to fear then as Orthodox Jews. And Kinsey used coded interviews to help people maintain their anonymity. No one, not even the child molesters, had to fear exposure.


And Kinsey was a pervert who was hoping to find perversion wherever he looked, so he would have been biased very much in favor of finding perversion in the OJ community. But he couldn't.

Tova said...

Wow, JP includes links to fetish gear on his site!

You learn something new every day, it appears...

jewish philosopher said...

I don't consider chastity to be a fetish.

Abe said...

I think that an erotic current runs just below the surface of chareidi rectitude and purity. Of course it's the community's concerted effort to subdue that carnality in favor of distant heavenly recompense.
But what is it about chareidi girls and women that yeshiva boys and men find so damn enticing that they're admonished to suppress their unbearable urges? I mean, if I were a cloistered chareidi male, a super-shrouded, ultra-modest female should hardly elicit any more erotic desire than a giraffe.
But its tricky to to defeat one's god given biology especially when young. It bubbles up during boring shul proceedings and weary yeshiva shiurim and thoughts wander. So its not surprising that testosterone driven young men are aroused at something as banal the mere sight of a girl's nape or unadorned earlobe. But throwback strictures do nothing to repress primal urges and generations of ultra-ortho males pleasuring themselves attest to useless rabbinic exhortations. All that furtive onanism will not be constrained by schizoid fanatics trying to reign in the behavior of zealous sinners or sinning zealots. The flesh will always triumph over imperceptible heavenly rewards.

Undercover Kofer said...

At least we agree now that you misquoted me. That should put the record straight then.

Undercover Kofer said...

Afterthought: No wonder the Rabbis forbade masturbation. After all, this is the only way you can ensure that people get married while still in puberty!

jewish philosopher said...

Abe, may I respectfully suggest, for your own sake and the sake of others, you purchase the state of the art cb-6000 and mail me the key. Thank you.

SDR said...

JP:

Your comments are counterproductive and clearly constitute Chillul Hashem. I would ask your Rav, if it is permissible communicate in the manner that you do with other Jews. There is a proper way to give rebuke and yours is not the way.
A CONCERNED YID

jewish philosopher said...

I feel inspired by the Passover Haggadah:

The wicked one, what does he say? "What is this service to you?!" He
says `to you,' but not to him! By thus excluding himself from the
community he has denied that which is fundamental. You, therefore,
blunt his teeth and say to him: "It is because of this that the L-rd
did for me when I left Egypt"; `for me' - but not for him! If he had
been there, he would not have been redeemed!"

http://www.chabad.org/holidays/passover/pesach_cdo/aid/1737/jewish/Maggid.htm

Undercover Kofer said...

I always wondered why God was so bad at Grammar. Just try to read this without laughing:

"It is because of this that the L-rd did for me when I left Egypt"

He obviously never progressed beyond Cheder...

jewish philosopher said...

Probably the Maxwell House coffee Haggadah is a better translation.

http://www.jewishpress.com/pageroute.do/31383/

not available online

Abe said...

Undercover Kofer said...
>>>...I am really starting to doubt you ever got accepted into Mensa...<<<


Mr. Stein may indeed be a Mensa memeber, but with the unhappy circumstance of psychosis invading his psyche. Mensa associates are more prone to mental disorders, as attested by the priggish piety of this blog.
http://www.israel21c.org/people/in-israel-genius-abounds
...." He explains that many people who live in the rarified altitudes of the top IQs are certainly misfits and some are certifiably insane. In his experience, they often encounter hypocrisy, jealousy and resentment, while to fulfill their basic human emotional needs they are constantly forced to compromise and fraternize with 'inferior' intellects..."
..."psychopaths and sociopaths often have high IQs and need help to learn how to function within society," Luger explains...<<<
It sure appears that Mr. Stein fits that bill.

NoLiveGod said...

Since you love to get your Talmud from Elizabeth Dilling's 'Come and Hear,' maybe you'll be interested to know that Glenn Beck's in a little trouble for being a fan of hers too.

http://mediamatters.org/blog/201006040047

jewish philosopher said...

"Mr. Stein may indeed be a Mensa memeber, but with the unhappy circumstance of psychosis invading his psyche."

Abe, with your IQ somewhere in the low double digits, you are in no danger of insanity. Good for you.

The Come and Hear site seems to be the only English translation of the Talmud on the web. I have no choice.

NoLiveGod said...

"I have no choice."

Where's your free will now?

jewish philosopher said...

Very limited. Everything is in the hands of Heaven except the fear of Heaven.

Abe said...

jewish philosopher said...
>>> Everything is in the hands of Heaven except the fear of Heaven.<<<

I suppose that means that even in heaven god wants you to be a man with a slow hand, a lover with an easy touch. He wants soulfull chareidim who don't hang on loosely. Not come and go in a heated rush (with appologies to the Pointer sisters)

jewish philosopher said...

Totally baked, right Abe?

Undercover Kofer said...

JP: I don't think the problem is with the translation (thanks for not posting the translation of the Maxwell coffee haggadah BTW). I think the problem is with the posuk: Baavur Zeh Asah Hashem Li Btzaysi Mimitzrayim. Everyone translates it with a dochek.

jewish philosopher said...

Here are some other translations which apparently are not as word for word from Hebrew to English

http://bible.cc/exodus/13-8.htm

Zuvan said...

All I can possibly say, JP, is that you are so severely sexually repressed it is not even funny. You may just be the most sexually repressed person alive! We can't even masturbate? What do you do for relief when your frigid old wife is reluctant? Oh wait! Bad question, your poor wife is not to blame. Her closet-case husband would bear the responsibility.

It is better for you that you avoid masturbation because otherwise you would inevitably think about naked men or taking a big fat cock in your ass. What better way for Jacob Stein to suppress his gay thoughts than to ignore all sexual desire? Hey, at least when you pretended that your wife's vagina was the cornhole of some guy from your class at Bnei Brak each time you forced yourself to impregnate her; there was nothing "gay" about it because you were with a chick, right?

Congratulations faggot! You have all-but-eliminated all vestiges of sexuality from your being. (The only source of release available to you being mohel duty.) Jacob Stein ought to be a keynote speaker at a GOP seminar on repressing one's homosexuality. You would make Fred Phelps, Ted Haggard, and Larry Craig proud.

jewish philosopher said...

Zuvan, this post was specifically aimed at people like you. Lock on your chastity device and send me the key.

You're welcome.

Undercover Kofer said...

JP, I am a little worried about you wanting the key...

jewish philosopher said...

It will be in complete privacy. Nothing to worry about.

Avi Bitterman said...

I think this is your first post that is actually somewhat interesting. Completely ridiculous screwed up in so many ways, but interesting. So congratulations.

I don't understand the concept though. How can this device be tight enough to ensure that the wearer not simply slip it off without causing medical problems, such as the constriction of blood flow, or irritation of the skin?

jewish philosopher said...

Beyond what's on their website, I really have no idea. Apparently a plastic ring goes behind the testicles and is clamped and locked on to a container going over the penis.

I look forward to reader reviews!

Vicky said...

as an alumna of Bais Yakov and a seminary though a non-conformist at that I remember that we were taught to respect anyone's parnoso and there is no reason or Jewish legal considerations that justify destroying it. It is sad to see this happen. Having said that, I also think it is important to note, thought it has been done in other ways here, that you should not have used your employer's time to pursue personal interests, especially the ones that are philosophical, non-lomdonishe and so emotionally charged. Considering how many unscrupulous people who are very web-savvy and hide behind their laptops and just itch at the opportunity to stab someone in the back. My father would say Bhatzloho and may you concentrate your learning on ikkar hada'as.

jewish philosopher said...

I worked at GHI (later known as EmblemHealth) for 15 years and my managers were always satisfied with my work. Any personal interests were pursued after finishing my programming assignments and did not disturb any employees or customers.

If I was destined to suffer, I am happy that it was for the sake of teaching Torah.