Monday, May 12, 2008

Sex – based on marriage or attraction?


Probably the most basic change, which has taken place in European and European based societies since the Second World War is the idea that sexual intercourse should be based on mutual attraction rather than on long-term commitment.

Until at least the 1940’s, it was taken for granted in most of Europe and America that sex is something generally limited to marriage. If the married partners are attracted to each other, that’s fine, and if they aren’t so much, then they will live with that. However marriage was for life and normal, respectable people did not have sex outside marriage.

Today, this has completely changed. About 40% of babies are born to single women in the United States. In the UK, it is roughly estimated that about 10% of presumed fathers are not really the father. Based upon this, I think we can estimate that about half of sex takes place outside of marriage in European based societies today.

In earlier times, men and women were largely segregated and women were required to dress modestly in public. After a brief courtship or an arranged match, couples married at a young age and remained married until one partner died. Eroticism and sexual excitement played a small role in people’s lives. This is still true in traditional cultures today.

In recent times, especially since about 1965, adults see sexual gratification as an essential part of life, if not as a right and an entitlement. During a lifetime, people progress through many relationships, some longer, some shorter, all with the purpose of gratifying both partners to the greatest extent possible.

The problems caused by this are very serious.

- Depression. In a sex-based relationship, many times one partner is happy in the relationship while the other is dissatisfied for some reason and leaves. This can trigger depression. We can speculate that this may be one of the major reasons for an increase in the rate of depression since the Second World War in European based societies

- Disease. Frequent changes in sexual partners cause sexually transmitted diseases to flourish, resulting in physical suffering, infertility and sometimes death.

- Sexual abuse. When women bring new men into the home, as boyfriends or husbands, their daughters from previous relationships are at a high risk of being raped by them.

- Child Neglect. In “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study”, Judith S. Wallerstein explains in great detail the emotional problems and mental anguish suffered by children who grow up in divorced homes. Many children in single-family homes live that way because one parent felt he or she would have greater sexual satisfaction in a different relationship.

- Abortion. Millions of babies conceived out of wedlock are simply killed before they are born.

Having sex with whomever you want to is probably similar to eating whatever you want to – it may sound good at first, it may not seem to make much difference for a few years, however the long term effects are deadly.

There can be little argument that the Orthodox Jewish practice of chastity and marital fidelity are ultimately far healthier for everyone involved.

18 comments:

DrJ said...

Maybe its hard to conduct an experiment but inuitively I would say you're correct in your conclusion.

But this is the price we pay for emancipation and progress, for better or for worse.

Some are willing to pay that price and some not. If we wanted we could live in superconservative Saudi Arabia and protect sexual purity and "family values" at all costs, but most of us are not willing to make that tradeoff.

In other words, in a society with race, gender and religious equality and individual rights, human nature dictates that there will be some unhealthy by products (crime, sexual harassment and abuse, etc) because of people who "cheat" and take advantage of the freedom for bad purposes.

But I still agree with your basic assertion that a religious Jewish lifestyle is probably a healthier one for society and the individual.

jewish philosopher said...

It's like anything else worthwhile - living a good life isn't easy.

Unmolested Altar Boy said...

Before you listen to Jacob, remember he's already ditched one of his wives.

"Until at least the 1940’s, it was taken for granted in most of Europe and America that sex is something generally limited to marriage"

Did you know, with the advent of the automobile men began losing their virginity to their girlfriends rather than prostitutes?

"In the UK, it is roughly estimated that about 10% of presumed fathers are not really the father. "

Cuckolding has been around since Adam and Eve or more likely the evolution of man.

"
- Sexual abuse. When women bring new men into the home, as boyfriends or husbands, their daughters from previous relationships are at a high risk of being raped by them."

This is partial true. There is an elevated risk. However, Jacob introduces the fallacy of vividness here. By that I mean, he exaggerates.

As for sexual restraint being common in the past, that's a fairly amusing ignorance of history. Sexual access has been determined by power. The more powerful the individual, the more he scored. It has been until the rise of democracy that the huge harems of old disappeared and monogamy became the norm.

One last parting shot, did you know in the 1950s, teenager pregnancy was higher than today and that 40% of babies were born out of wedlock?

Jacob, Do you believe that your decision to skip out on your wife influenced your god's decision to strike your kids down?

jewish philosopher said...

"It has been until the rise of democracy that the huge harems of old disappeared and monogamy became the norm."

Most people in medieval Europe had huge harems?

"did you know in the 1950s, teenager pregnancy was higher than today and that 40% of babies were born out of wedlock"

Did you know that the unmarried childbearing rate was 5% in 1950 compared to about 40% today? Those 1950s teens were usually married.

Typical atheist moron.

Unmolested Altar Boy said...

Jacob, I've never had a divorce. You've have. That means you should probably listen to me because I know better than you.

No Jacob, most men did without sex or had limited options for sex. However, what did not occur is some sort of happy placid

Actually, the 1950s would probably have a gentiles only sign on the front.
Yeah Jacob, and given the clusterfuck that was the 1950s, going back to there morals was a great time.

Did you know that the unmarried childbearing rate was 5% in 1950 compared to about 40% today? Those 1950s teens were usually married.

Yes, and those shot gun marriages worked so when.

"Typical atheist moron."

If I am so dumb, why aren't I divorced?

Ohh well, either way, Cameron will hand your ass and you'll scuttle ignorantly to your next rant.

Izgad said...

In medieval Christian Europe very few people got married. Aristorcrats got married because of property issues. Everyone else was more or less living in sin. It was the Council of Trent, in the mid sixteenth century, that sifted the situation somewhat.

jewish philosopher said...

"Jacob, I've never had a divorce. You've have. That means you should probably listen to me because I know better than you."

How exactly am I supposed to verify that, my little moron?

Maybe if you'd say something smart I would listen to you. Instead, you just brushed off millions of American girls being rapes as "the fallacy of vividness". I think you mean "misleading vividness". Do the victims involved take it that lightly, I wonder? Or just atheist men like you?

jewish philosopher said...

"In medieval Christian Europe very few people got married."

I don't know about the exact legal status, however they were in committed life long relationships.

avrum68 said...

How exactly am I supposed to verify that, my little moron?

On this point, I absolutely agree with Jacob. Altar boy, prove your status by dropping the cowardice anonymity, or shhhhhhhhhhh.

Izgad said...

"I don't know about the exact legal status, however they were in committed life long relationships."

What is your assumption based on? Why do you assume that couples during the middle ages that were not legally married stayed together? We lack the records to prove things one way or another. In theory at least, it would have been very easy for people to leave eachother and go with other people. There was no legal or church mechanisim to stop them.

Unmolested Altar Boy said...

"Instead, you just brushed off millions of American girls being rapes as "the fallacy of vividness". I think you mean "misleading vividness". Do the victims involved take it that lightly, I wonder?

I never said or implied anything of the sort. This means you're a damnable mongoloid or a degenerate liar. I'll let you select.

What I said is your over inflating the actual risk. If you need remedial education on the matter, I recommend Blank Slate by Steven Pinker, Adapting Minds by David Buller, or Evolution for Everyone by David Sloane Wilson.

I am just glad your god took steps to ensure your genetic oblivion.

By the way, why did you ditch your wife?

avrum68 said...

I am just glad your god took steps to ensure your genetic oblivion.

By the way, why did you ditch your wife?


UAB,

I spend quite a bit of time on blogs, and never have I witnessed such hystrionic behaviour from ideas/posts that an individual disagrees with.

Why can't you walk away?

Unmolested Altar Boy said...

Avrum,

You clearly do not spend a lot of time on blogs if my rather tame comments shock you.

Anyway, my posts are mere redirections of Jacob's beliefs back at him. Jacob blames the Holocaust on the Jews angering god by not being Orthodox. Well then, clearly using his logic, his god is punishing him for something through his kids.

And if this is true,

There can be little argument that the Orthodox Jewish practice of chastity and marital fidelity are ultimately far healthier for everyone involved.

Then someone clearly has to be wrong with Jacob who got divorced.

It also means my chaste and fidelity practicing self is superior to him.

Anyway, he'll thank me for this stern, but loving discipline and correction once he's mature and intelligent enough to understand why it had to be done.

jewish philosopher said...

Unmolested seems to be obsessed with the break up of my first, fortunately childless, marriage 16 years ago and the physical handicap of my dear six year old son.

Judaism does condone divorce, by the way.

This is clearly a mentally disturbed person, however that is something probably common place in the atheistic community. If I'm not mistaken, he found my blog thanks to a post on the Rational Responders website, a site operated by a stripper and her unemployed boyfriend.

I welcome Unmolested as a perfect example of the quality of people atheism attracts.

avrum68 said...

There can be little argument that the Orthodox Jewish practice of chastity and marital fidelity are ultimately far healthier for everyone involved.

UAB,

From a clinical perspective, there's tons of marital/relationship wisdom emanating from the laws concerning purity, family, sex, etc.

An agnostic colleague (psychiatrist) of mine, is fond of saying that the methods and theories we're researching/ evaluating/employing are the stuff of 19th century Mussar.

Regardless, you appear quite bothered by the content on this site. This clearly says more about you than Jacob.

Joseph said...

Other secularists think that childless religious people remaining married is hypocritical.

Maybe Unmolested could argue with them instead.

Unmolested Altar Boy said...

"This is clearly a mentally disturbed person"

Shockingly, the US military disagreed and granted me a clearance.

Even if I was "mentally disturbed", you lack the professional expertise to detect it.

however that is something probably common place in the atheistic community.

"Wow, you're learning from Cameron and my discipline of you. You qualified it apporirately because you have no facts to back it up."

If I'm not mistaken, he found my blog thanks to a post on the Rational Responders website

Na, I found from August Cline's site. I think the RR post was where myself and other debunked most of your argument.

"I welcome Unmolested as a perfect example of the quality of people atheism attracts."

Highly respected, well-educated, civic minded people who dedicate their lives to educating people are common among the atheists. As are raging assholes, elitists snobs, and yokels.

The plethora of personality types who become atheists is not unusual. AElfist, Aastrologist, AIsalmist, and similar communities find the same thing.

"From a clinical perspective, there's tons of marital/relationship wisdom emanating from the laws concerning purity, family, sex, etc.

Avrum,

"From a clinical perspective, there's tons of marital/relationship wisdom emanating from the laws concerning purity, family, sex, etc. "

I am sure there is. And from a clinical/historical/and evolutionary perspective, there is a ton of martial/relationship idiocy emanating from the laws

Avrum,
"you appear quite bothered by my postings on this site. This clearly says more about you than than me."

"Why can't you walk away?"

Geez, next time ask me about my mother. If you are going to deploy psych 101 crap, go all in or don't go at all.

Also Arvum,

prove your status by dropping the cowardice anonymity, or shhhhhhhhhhh.

jewish philosopher said...

Unmolested, you're absolutely right. A great many highly respected, well-educated, civic minded people who dedicate their lives to educating others spend part of each day on the web ridiculing strangers because they have handicapped children. Most of those great humanitarians are atheists. Thank you for enlightening me.