Monday, May 05, 2008
Cannibalism – Thinking Outside the Box
[Leonhard Kern (1588–1662): Menschenfresserin (female cannibal)
Ivory, Schwäbisch Hall, c. 1650. "Finger Lickin' Good"]
A lot has been said about the problems of overpopulation, food shortages and global warming. Many solutions have been suggested, however nothing has been too successful. For one thing, once we find ways to grow more food, people just have more babies and the problem never ends.
I have the solution – cannibalism. If we could convince people in poorer, overpopulated countries such as India, China and Africa to eat each other, we could solve all the above problems simultaneously. Recently, there have been predications that global warming may indeed lead to cannibalism; it would be wise to get a head start.
The most obvious candidates for consumption would be the weaker and tenderer people – that is children. Before they are able to grow up and begin reproducing, they can be caught by law enforcement officials, harvested so to speak, and rather than wasting their bodies, they would be eaten. Human flesh apparently tastes like pork. The same recipes can be used for both. The most appetizing option would be for the Hormel company to produce a new version of Spam - Man Spam. This would provide a huge new source of protein for the developing world.
There is really nothing new about this. Just the opposite, people make good eating. Cannibalism was probably practiced in all primitive societies. You didn't hear about overpopulation in those days. It's natural and eco-friendly. Nothing artificial added. Instead of cannibalism, which has negative connotations, let's call it human recycling.
I am certain that some religious fundamentalists will make a big stink about this and claim it’s against the Ten Commandments or some other superstition. These are the same idiots who are against abortion or any other type of progress. However science and reason are on my side. I hope Richard Dawkins is reading this. I’m sure he would understand.
Now we just need education. The New York Times can write some positive articles and editorials. National Geographic can do a documentary about neo-cannibalism. Hollywood can produce movies depicting glamorous young people snacking on "long pork". Human recycling can be taught in public schools. Martha Stewart can put it on her show. Just like homosexuality went from being disgusting and illegal a few years ago to being fashionable today, cannibalism can do the same.
Human recycling and Man Spam is the solution!
(My point of course is, that without the Torah to guide us, anything could be rationalized.)